A progress Story: Queens of Light – Mary
It has definitely been a long time coming.
I started this specific painting at the beginning of the year (sometime around January) and today I finally completed it, not with out some struggles and frustrations in between.
I have not completed a full painting for about a year and a half, so I am sure you can imagine that I was stressing out of my mind when I had start this piece again.
I tried to procrastinate in anyway possible, from deciding that the under layer colours are not right (which to be honest doesn’t matter because they get covered up) to outright avoiding it by telling myself something else in the house or business was more important at the time.
I was scared of what it would turn out like. Scared because I had not touched a paintbrush and pallet for so long. And to be honest, worrying about how it was going to turn out, actually did produce a product I wasn’t happy with. I was so disappointed in myself and with what I produced that I outright broke down in tears, which to many may seem like an overreaction, but to me it was perfectly justified. In my eyes the painting was not perfect. I then tried to save it by adding a few rushed shadow and highlights which only made matters worse. I had thought the painting was finished, but it just didn’t look or feel right.
All that was going through my head was “I left my job for this, to paint, and now all the time I spent trying to finish this has brought me nothing but discouragement and a painting I wish I could cut up into a million pieces”. So with a heavy head and heart I packed up my paint, cleaned my brushes and left the painting as is, hoping that it might just look better the next day.
The next day came. It looked worse. I gave up for that day as well, again, leaving the painting as is. Then the third day came. As I looked at the painting I proceeded to say a silent prayer in my head, asking my Heavenly Father why even after all that effort did this painting still wrack my mind. And the thought came, not immediately, but it came, simply that “the painting is not done”. I proceeded to argue “of course it’s done” looking at my reference Image, “everything is as it is in the photo”. Then the thought came, “Look again”. So I did, examining the photo and painting more closely now. And it hit me, like a ray of rising sun, slow and steady, growing with each glance. There were tiny shading, highlighting and colour details here and there that would make all the difference.
Why had I not noticed this before my melt down? I was rushing. I had my own idea and my own timeline in my head about when the painting should be done and what would make it complete. I did not take the time to look closer at what was really needed to make this painting whole. Too often we do this. We have an idea in our heads, one influenced by what we think we want instead of what we need.
This painting needed more time, more work and more patience and despite the fact that it may not be perfect, it is now whole.
See my next post to see what the finished Art work looks like.